Juggler’s post over at Stealing Faith inspired my own writing on the subject of marriage today. Check it out!
This year, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage and I’m very proud of that.
You know what I find interesting (and a bit distressing) though? We’ve been congratulated lately on being married for “so long”. How has our culture’s thinking shifted so dramatically that now only ten years is considered a major feat? I’m sure I could take this in so many directions, but for the moment, I’d like to share two things with you:
First, take a few minutes to read this article about Mr. and Mrs. Fisher, a couple who have been married for eighty-five years. In it, they offer some time-tested wisdom for making a marriage last a lifetime.
Next, I’d like to share part of an e-mail I wrote to a friend who will be married this year. She asked for some thoughts on communicating commitment to her future spouse. Honestly, I was humbled and a little nervous to answer her. Our marriage isn’t perfect! However, I can say that each of the thoughts I shared with her (and now with you) come from our own experiences. These are things I wish I had known before entering into marriage. I would have been a much better wife from the start if I had!
- “My life would be so much better if _____ (“I didn’t have to put up with you!”)
- “Why did we get married? Maybe we made a mistake!”
- “I hate you!!/I just don’t love you anymore.”
- “This is hopeless! Maybe we should just get a divorce.”
- “You’re just like ________ (my/your Mom, Dad, ex-husband/girlfriend)!!”
“If things get bad enough, I’ll consider divorce.”
In the same way, we are careful not to speak disrespectfully to one another. We don’t call each other names. We don’t blame. If there is an issue, we almost always find that both of us are contributing to it, so both of us commit to resolving it. In a team everyone is expected to give 100%, not 50%. The same is true of successful marriages.